True confessions

OK so it's time to come clean. We're not using the cloth nappies at the moment, and I've pretty much given up breastfeeding. I feel like a Bad Mother, but only a little bit. Mostly I feel great! Trudi and the girls are in excellent nick too.

We have set aside the cloth nappies because the laundry burden was getting too much for Trudi. I have not been able to do anything much in that direction during the day, cos of taking care of little squeaky people. Trudi was coming home from work and putting on a load or two of washing, then making dinner, then hanging the washing out. All a bit much really.

We have not sold the nappies. I'm hoping that once I've found my feet I will be able to do the washing, drying, folding, etc. We will see.

On the breastfeeding front... I'd been doing the 10pm and 6am feeds on the boob, and expressing and bottle-feeding for the rest. If you've been reading this blog you may have noticed that this was taking its toll. I had to keep finding ten-minute blocks of time, preferably right after a feed, and this was not easy. I could only do it because I had someone else here helping me - my mum, or Trudi. However mum is not able to be around any more (she's gone back to work), and Trudi works in the office three days a week. Also I was always worrying about whether my supply was enough (it was not quite).

So just before we went to Merimbula, we started doing formula feeds for all the day-time feeds, and still doing boobs for 10pm and 6am. My goodness it was great. The girls do not mind, and it's a big weight off my mind. Not to mention my body. The only bad thing is that I have to get used to not eating for three.

We returned the breastpump to the ABA on Sunday. It was a wonderful thing - an industrial-strength double electrical thing. I bought a tiny single pump off ebay the other day - it will do for the few times I will need to express in the future. We'll sell it again once I'm really finished.

A few days ago I decided to cut out the 6am breastfeed as well. They now get a bottle for their first feed. This has made a huge difference to our mornings. Because Ivy will not take the boob unless she is basically asleep, I have had a difficult time of it in the mornings. It's been hard to balance getting them to stay in bed longer, with the knowledge that if I let Ivy stay in there awake too long she will be beyond feeding.

Now I can easily get them to wait until 7am to get up and have breakfast! This still involves a lot of resettling from about 4.30am, but I hope they will learn to fit in with this.

We are all a lot happier and calmer, so it's all good here.