Smarmy

Had to define SMARMY for the kids the other day. I was complaining about the ads in the Parliament Station, and groping for adjectives to describe how much I loathe them.

These ads are on three big TV screens on the other side of the tunnel. The screens are spaced along the platform so that there is nowhere I can stand to get away from their SMARM.

On these screens, we watch ads for holiday destinations, narrated by deeply authentic amateurs. Some dude tells us about his sea-change, in which he built a world-class golf course on rolling hills near the NSW coast. He hesitates in his speech, makes droll little remarks, and self-deprecatingly tells us that after finally taking golf lessons, he's improved to become a very poor golfer. Later, Glenn Gould talks about Bicheno, name-dropping tourist destinations in the area.

They are disarmingly sincere, sweetly innocent of motive, and utterly fake.

These more obvious ads are interspersed with short inspiring surfing videos (shot at sunset for maximum smarm).

We also see intermittent brief videos of beautiful young things instructing us about healthy living: kale smoothies, stress-free yoga, and the like.

Each video is a minute or two, with direct simple voice-overs. Some inspiring (there's that word again) backing music, some falsely casual chat, and it's over. On to the next one.

It drives me batty. Waiting at the station is a little moment of crowded solitude, joining my office day with the school pick up and ensuing shenanigans. These foul insidious ads creep into my head without my consent. Unwillingly, I watch the golden countryside and listen to the kind voices.

I tried standing with my back to the videos, facing the wall, but I could still hear the voice-overs  (and by now I've seen the bloody things so often that the visuals play in my mind as I listen). 

This arvo I tried standing in the corridor that connects the platforms. I couldn't hear the videos, but I was chilled by the underground wind forced through the tunnels by the battering-ram trains. I think this spot will work better on hot days. 

Roll on, summer!