"I thought I would feel different"

Here's a post I wrote on the girls' fourth birthday. I stuck it in Drafts and never posted it.

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Four years ago, two people were taken out of my body. I gestated them long enough for them to breathe on their own, and since then they have grown a little bit each day. Today, both girls walk, talk, and eat on their own, and have their own internal lives.

Yesterday Ivy said that no-one else would be allowed to eat her cat cake. Today she was fine with her cake being devoured by others.

During the party, I noticed that Hazel was missing. She had snuck away to do some drawing. She knows how to handle overwhelming social events!
When I found her, I told her that she was four now. She looked stunned. Gazed at the wall. Turned to me with wide eyes and open mouth. "But I thought I'd feel different!"

And then she bent back to her drawing, narrating it quietly. "and the villain jumps up in the tree and here is a tiger to lick his head and they go flying up in space and..."

Reading

A loooong time ago, when she was little (as she likes to say), Hazel pointed to the word BED on a shop window and said "BED!". I think she was two.

Now Hazel is four, and shows no sign of reading. Yes, she writes her name and likes counting and learns books off by heart, but actually reading? Nup, I have mummies who do that for me.

At the last twins playgroup for the year, I was holding Hazel (who is four, and thus big, but still needs a cuddle) while chatting with Jane. Jane was standing on a stepladder, holding a plastic bike over her head, and trying to place it on top of a teetery stack of other plastic vehicles, stacked high inside a hard-to-reach cupboard. That's the way it rocks at playgroup - the kids get to play, but the mums have to do four-dimensional Tetris when it's all over.

So I was holding Hazel and leaning against a cupboard, when Hazel leaned over and placed her finger on the first letter of a hand-written word on a piece of masking tape.

P

She said the name of the letter.

P

She said it again.

Puh

Then she said the sound that it makes.

Rrr

O

Dj

Rr

Aa

Mm

I said that in this word, the G is a hard Guh, not Dj. Try again.

She sounded it out very slowly, twice more. Then she did the sounds quickly. Then, she said "Program! This cupboard is for Program! Why is it for Program?"

We found the word Holiday and talked about holiday programs and how school kids sometimes do stuff in their holidays and our day continued.

I can feeeel the books just over Hazel's horizon. She loves hearing the old favourites read to her, but think of all the new favourites that she will read to herself one day! The private worlds, just for her.

Pea and ham soup

I love my pressure cooker. Last time I made pea and ham soup, I tried to hide too many vegetables in it. Miss Hazel wasn't keen. This time there's just the one grated carrot... I hope it will pass undetected. For a girl who loves her veg, she is picky about things being mixed into old favourites.

Pond

Ivy and Hazel like making vases. To do this, you get a little jar or cup, then you pick stuff from the garden. Put water in the jar, then put in your pickings. It's best to include a really long tough pointy spike from a native grass.

Yesterday Hazel picked marigolds with really short stems, so I gave them a box of water. This morning she added more flowers. I like the contrasting colours. Apparently it's a pond filled with lilies, and the purple ones are POISONOUS.

Sounding it out

We were at the market buying chicken. As we waited, Ivy pointed to a sign on the glass case and said "Does that say 'chicken'?"

Aha! A teaching opportunity!

"Nope, it starts with O R, which makes the sound 'aw'. What's that next letter?"

Hazel came over to help. "That's a G which makes the sound 'gee'. So this says 'orgy'. What's 'orgy' Mum?"

Maybe I will let the next teaching opportunity slip by.

How many veggies would you like?

Many, or not so many?

Or perhaps NONE AT ALL.

I made my own (fake) chocolate

I made a batch two days ago, and I'm not sure how it lasted this long.
http://www.sarahwilson.com.au/2012/04/my-sugar-free-raspberry-ripe-2/

Ivy & Hazel both loved it, and Ivy kept cruising by asking for more. I'll make it again.
Next time I will do these things before pouring the chocolate mixture over:

• Toast the coconut.
• Smash the frozen raspberries into bits.
• Add some toasted sunflower seeds and maybe other toasted nuts (small or smashed).

Daddy Poo

Hazel has been grooving to Boney M recently.

She jives around the house, muttering Daddy, Daddy Pooooo; Daddy, Daddy Pooooo.

Tonight I am an amazing housewife

By 6:15pm the kids were in bed and quietly waiting for the sleep bus. Trudi is out at the gym. The house is fairly tidy, I've cleaned up the kitchen, and I want dessert. Problem: the fridge and pantry are full of buckwheat and broccoli, cream cheese and dried shiitake. Nothing decadent and nothing sweet.

I have a recipe for a chocolate pudding in a mug, to be made in a microwave, but I don't really feel like a doughy choc pudding. Tonight I feel like a light buttery cake in a big bowl of custard. Heaven.

This is the bit where I was an amazing housewife. I looked at the recipe for chocolate pudding and I tweaked a few things. I replaced oil with melted butter, I reduced the sugar, I skipped the cocoa and added vanilla, and I popped in some frozen raspberries. Into the microwave for a minute and a half. While that was nuking, I made custard sauce with an egg, milk and sugar.

In under ten minutes I was sitting on the couch eating a lovely dessert in a massive bowl while reading.

The bit that's making me feel particularly great is that I messed with a dessert recipe. I've never been confident about making sweets - I have to follow the recipe to the letter. 3.5 years of making muffins and anzacs has clearly given me enough practice to try.

I will never be a cook like Chloe (my friend whose mum would cook slices and cakes in massive tins for the shearers) or Liss (my sister who makes amazing cakes that look devilishly rakish and taste divine). But tonight I made a microwave pudding in a mug and thought I was awesome.

Snail blanket

Ivy asked for a snail blanket, so I made her one. She wears it when she is being a snail.
Here it is, on the end of her bed:

Trudi says: Stuff it!

I am working late. Trudi emailed me this:

If one doesn't like it, one stuffs it!  I'm talking about Hazel.

I've just pulled about over 10 CDs from under the bottom shelf under the CD player.  Turns out she stuffs them under there when she has had enough.  And while writing this, SHE HAS STUFFED THE RULER (which I used to get the CDs out) UNDER THERE TOO!

Ivy asked

And soon she will receive!

She asked me to make her a snail blanket, for her to wear when she is being a snail. It was not easy to get more information out of her. This is a tough client, who believes that a one-line brief is sufficient.

She did not want a thing that looked like a shell. She did not want a little blanket for her toy cat. She did not want a small blanket or a big one.

It does have to be sofffft and green. These concepts are very important to this client.

I finally proposed a circular blanket with a picture of a snail on it - and the client subtly indicated that this would be acceptable.

When I visited my sister last weekend, I mentioned the project. Liss kindly gave me an old sheet from an op shop, with little green flowers on it. She's been using it as a drop sheet, but it's in good condition. Just one tear in it (presumably from someone's midnight toenail, blurk. The good thing about op shop sheets is that they are worn, and thus soffffft.

That night I made this:

This is an applique snail, made from curtain fabric given to me by my mother-in-law. I adapted the design from a picture on the web. "Adapted" here means "did not include the eyelashes".

I still need to buy something to make the blanket warm - right now it's just two layers of sheet. I had thought of cutting up a woollen blanket (op shop again) but the client has intervened and decreed that this blanket must be light, not heavy. I'm thinking of using polarfleece. I'm wary of using batting, because I imagine it will bunch up.

Stay tuned for the client's final comments.

Ivy made some signs too

The one on the left is a salad of interesting letters: iiiHT. The other one is 'a picture'.

More signs

Hazel made this one: it says 'Do not jump on the mummies' bed.'

Craft for mums

Too much whining at our house... Not any more!

How do normal people roll over in bed?

I'm sure it used to be easy. I bet that I just rolled on over, and thought nothing of it. Snuffle, mutter, back to sleep. Or maybe I slept right through the whole thing?

Then I gestated two humans at the same time, and everything (and I really do mean everything) went pear-shaped.

Most women who have been pregnant have found it hard to get comfy at night. Many have developed a pillow addiction - one under the knees, another between the knees, one to the left and one to the right, plus a couple of extras flapping around, just in case. And some have found it hard to turn over in bed.

When I was baking my babies, I found that I had to turn over carefully and slowly, with breaks as I went. First, shift my hips to the left. Next, position both hands on the right. Then, transfer weight onto hands, and let distended belly hang, while slowly continuing to rotate. Reposition hands to remain balanced and to gain traction. Land on right hip, let everything else descend, then faff about with pillows to allow for a successful landing. Rest a while to regain composure. Remember that lying on the right side is Bad For The Babies and start the whole flippan thing again.

This went on for months.

Then some stuff happened, and now my girls are three.

Now I can't remember how it goes. My body does not remember what to do. The autopilot has no idea, so I have to do it manually. Slide hips to right (or is it left?). Move hands, or maybe I don't have to do that any more. Hurl self about, and overdo it because there is not as much resistance these days. Land, and wonder if this was meant to be more comfortable. Feel silly. Rest a while to get my breath back (I really should do some exercise). Now I'm wide awake.

Will my old skills come back, or is this my new normal?

It's a twin thing

Until only a few months ago, my girls were just not that into each other. Yeah, sure, there was the occasional hug, but mostly they seemed to be either neutral or pissed off about the other one. I felt sad about their lack of that twin thing... the special bond that I've heard others talk about.

Some other mums told me that their twins did not have that bond until they were 2 or later. Something to do with being able to actually play together - throwing the ball back and forth, not just whacking each other or tossing it into the undergrowth.

Well these days, my girls are well and truly bonded. They play together constantly, even when there are other delightful kids to be with. They embellish each other's storytelling, and they feed each other treats. Sure, they also clock each other on the skull with sharp heavy things, but not so often.

Last weekend we camped at the Prom with some friends, in a tent-site-shaped dustbowl. There was quite a lot of grass, but of course three 3-year-olds would far rather sit in sandy dust.

Here is Hazel giving Ivy a massage. She's tenderly sifting dust into Ivy's hair and clothes.

I think I can release my fear that they will not love each other.

Puppy and Digger

Hazel has two imaginary friends! This is so cool!

    

They are dogs, named Digger and Puppy. I asked Hazel to draw them for me, and she zipped away and made these pictures.

They are grey, with pink fur. They each have a pink tail, and grey legs. Trudi wandered in and mentioned that the dogs have no ears, so Hazel added pink ears. I took the pictures away to photograph them, but Hazel took them back before I could. She added the brown stuff - a bobble at the end of each tail, and also a "medicine tube" for Puppy.

I think the medicine tube is because Ivy and Hazel came with me to buy flea treatment for the cats today. The flea "medicine" comes in a little tube, similar to a toothpaste tube. So Puppy gets one too.

I'm pretty excited by these pictures. These beings look quite like dogs, to me!

A spider with two babies, by Hazel

 

The spider is brown, and it has a black baby on its middle. I think the second baby might be the black blodge at the end of one of the brown legs.

The mummy spider has spinnerets at the bottom, and each spinneret has a big shoe on it. The mummy spider also has a bunch of black eyes.

Oh hang on, I think the second baby is actually brown, just below the black baby. No idea what the orbiting black things are.

Thanks to Trudi for sending Hazel's picture from the iPad to my email address while I am supposed to be working.